Dear Apartment Complex Management,
Let me preface this by saying, I love you guys. You leave me alone and haven't gone up on my rent in 2 years. The facilities here are great and this really is a nice place to call home. My problem is with the other people you've let in here who have chosen to use the gym facilities. I think when people sign their lease they should also sign a form agreeing to practice good gym etiquette. Namely, people should be informed of the following:
1. The gym is not your home. Yes, there is a television set inside that has cable. But don't let that confuse you into thinking you're in your living room. That funky looking chair isn't actually a chair at all - it's an exercise machine! Crazy, right? So please, if you want to watch T.V., either go home or actually use the machine. It's really not cool for you to take up space on the machines napping and catching your favorite programs. (Make sure to explain this in their native language too. I would have asked the woman to move, but she acted like she only spoke/understood Korean.)
2. The gym is not a bar. At a bar, it may be normal for you to try and chat up the woman next to you. (Don't do this to me there either though. Thanks!) However, at the gym where people come in their grungy workout clothes preparing to sweat it to the 90s, it is not the place for you to strike up a long conversation about anything. At all. Say hello (or not) and get back to your own business. That person you're eying is not at the gym looking for lectures on how the fructose in their Gatorade will make them fatter or how large people and stocky dogs lost weight faster in the 1940s when there was less CO2 in the air. (Seriously, some guy just talked to me through HALF of my workout about that, turning on the elliptical machine sideways to stare at me and make sure I was still paying attention. I cut it short and didn't even stretch and booked it out of there after 20 minutes.) If you want to have a platform to spew your nonsense to people, go to a bar, join a discussion group, or do what I do and write a blog. Just don't do it at the gym. Headphones in a girl's ears and heavy breathing from the jogging she's doing are two very good indicators that she's really not looking for conversation right now.
3. The gym is NOT YOUR HOME. Is that sinking in yet? Clean up after yourself, because your mom/girlfriend/roommate isn't going to do it for you. It's disgusting to see your dried sweat on the machine I'm about to use. Management is kind enough to provide you with 409 and paper towels...and not because they make the place look pretty. Wipe off the machine when you're done. Thoroughly. Like you'd want the machine left for you. I'm going to clean it again before I touch it anyway, but seriously - clean up your bodily fluids so I don't have to.
I think making all gym users sign this agreement and posting it all around the gym as well will help to curb some of the annoying habits several residents seem to have. You're not going to get everyone to comply. However, this fat girl is going to have to use the gym several days a week over the next months and would greatly appreciate you trying. Thanks!
Your Usually Non-Complaining, Happy-Go-Lucky Resident